Truth After Trauma

For a long time, I could not accept the idea that everything happens for a reason. I had heard the words before, but when pain arrived – real, life-altering pain- it felt hollow, even cruel. In those moments, the only questions that existed were why me? And what did I do to deserve this?

What I have learned, slowly with resistance, is that meaning rarely reveals itself in the moment of suffering. Understanding does not come on demand. It arrives months later, sometimes years later, sometimes only after life has quietly reshaped you.

When I look at where I stand now, and imagine the countless versions of my life that could have unfolded had those events never occurred, I feel an unexpected gratitude. Not because the pain was justified, but because I would not trade where I am for any of those imagined paths. The unknown terrifies me more than the truth of what shaped me.

Had certain people not made the choices they did, would I have learned the discipline to give myself fully to my studies? Would I have discovered my capacity for endurance if an easier road had been offered? Would I be a nurse now, or found my place in an ICU, or uncovered the confidence to grow beyond what I once believed possible? Entire chapters of my life exist only because others closed painfully.

Even heartbreak, in hindsight, became a mirror. It showed me what I wanted for my future and what I could no longer accept- a life stalled by someone else’s lack of direction. Through loss, I found clarity. Through disruption, I found myself.

A year ago, gratitude felt impossible. I was angry. I was confused. I believed my kindness and my heart made me undeserving of such pain. But now I understand that becoming whole often requires being broken first. Trauma does not define us- but what we choose to build from it does.

Hard things happen to good people not to punish them, but to shape them into who they are capable of becoming.